On April 22nd 2011 I had a much-needed moment of clarity. Somehow, I finally realized that as much I had been suffering from my addiction – the people around me who loved me were suffering more, and that included my own son.
All that my beloved child wanted was an attentive mother.
On that day, the day that I hit my bottom, something – a force greater than anything I had ever felt in my life – pushed me to the point of understanding that I could not do things my way anymore. I dropped to my knees and begged for help. In that moment, I became willing to change…everything. I had lived for 25 years in active addiction, and knew immediately that getting clean would mean facing the behaviours, pain, grief and loss that had accumulated so heavily over the years. Yet even knowing how much work there was to do, making the decision to embark on my recovery journey brought me swiftly and surely to a place of peace. To say it has been easy…would be a lie. To say it has been worth it…is the absolute truth.
Once I had committed to recovery, I began talking to more and more people around me. I have found – as have my friends at She Recovers – that everyone on this planet is recovering from something. Drug, alcohol, gambling, food disorders, mental health issues, physical, sexual, mental and verbal abuse, diseases like cancer, diabetes, strokes, and so on. Some are recovering or trying to recover from lost jobs, lost investments, lost identities, lost loved ones and, yes… lost dreams.
We come into this world free, honest and pure.
In my case it was a disease – the disease of substance addiction – that took over my being. It changed me and allowed me to blame others for my losses and my struggles. For the last five and a half years my mission has been to unify those who are recovering from what was lost. I do this by encouraging all those in the process of recovery – especially addiction – to talk openly, honestly and non-judgmentally about their recovery and to find solutions to bettering themselves.
As the founder of Addictive Designs, I now design and sell thousands of T-shirts to people who are active in recovery and seeking wellness. Each shirt that I design carries a short story of hope. My shirts are stylish, and comfortable. They are intended as messages and the message is working – my shirts have become powerful conversation starters on the subject of addiction and the possibility of recovery. I’m grateful for my recovery, for my life, for finally being able to be the exact mother that my son needs.
And I’m grateful to be an entrepreneur in recovery.
Check out Heidi’s website – her new Winter 2016 collection is coming soon:
Well said, Heidi. Carry you banner high!